SAY WHAT YOU MEAN
© Rhoberta Shaler
www.OptimizeInstitute.com
We have great expressions for not saying what we mean. We are “beating
around the bush”. She “tells little white lies”. He’s “hedging”.
They are “shilly-shallying”. What causes us to shy away from
saying what we mean? From telling the truth even when it’s tough?
Lack of confidence, clarity and competence.
The easiest thing to do is to acquire the competence. Communication
skills are learned as are conflict management skills. We start picking
these up long before we have language by watching our families. We pick
up tone of voice. We notice how sounds and facial expressions go together.
Then, we add body posture. Even babies know who to trust. They add up
the face, body and voice and conclude that you’re OK or not.
Not much changes as we age. We still have those skills except that we
start second-guessing ourselves and fail to pay attention to what our
senses tell us sometimes. We start believing what we want to believe
rather than listening to the message on all levels. If that were not
so, we would not buy things from people who make the hair on the back
of our necks stand up. You would not believe that he really loves you
even though he regularly abuses you. You would believe the message of
the senses rather than talk yourself into believing what you want to
believe.
That’s all about trust. When I am teaching my ‘How to Make
an Entrance & Work a Room’ program, I talk about what happens
in the networking situation when you meet new people. This is no time
for posturing and pretending. This is a time for sending a congruent
message. BE WHO YOU ARE!
Why do I make this point so strongly? We know that you never get a second
chance to make a first impression. In a first meeting, you want to be
yourself. Of course, put your best foot forward but make sure that you
can back it up with all the other steps you are likely to take with that
foot for a long time. Nothing is more disappointing than to meet someone
you believe you want to do business with or date and find that, on the
second meeting, they have morphed into someone else. And, someone that
causes you to wonder ‘What was I thinking?” Be who you are.
Be congruent. Be sure your tone of voice, facial expression, body posture,
words and actions match—all the time. That makes you trustworthy.
Learn the communication skills to express yourself authentically. Take
some classes. Ask for feedback from people you trust. In my teleseminars,
I have many classes that will help you examine your communication and
learn new skills and strategies…right on the telephone. So, it’s
easy to get the training. There’s no excuse.
Clarity is essential. You have to know what you want to say. That means
you have to know what you think and feel. This requires honesty with
yourself.
You’ve likely had the experience of spinning out a situation well
past is due date. The longer you spin it out, the worse things get. Many
folks do this in relationships that should have ended long ago. But, ‘I
don’t want to hurt his or her feelings!” Nonsense. They simply
don’t want to say what they mean! They have not learned nor practiced
the skills of honest communication. They are not competent, clear or
confident in their own truth nor comfortable with the delivery.
Life gets much simpler when you say what you mean and tell the tough
truth. Get on it!
Expert facilitator, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, makes it easier to talk about
difficult things. As an international speaker, facilitator, author and
coach, she works with organizations, executives & entrepreneurs who
want to master the ‘people skills’ that grease the wheels
of business & life. Visit her website for ezines, teleseminars, books & CDs,
free articles, online community, and a half-hour free coaching consultation.
www.OptimizeInstitute.com
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