Anger IS Healthy
 Anger
is healthy. Anger is normal. It's how folks choose to express it that
leads many astray. Anger is an arousal in the body caused by the perception
of not having your needs met.
It is as dangerous and unsatisfying to internalize anger as it is to
spread it around freely complete with expletives, loud voices and threatening
gestures. Both threaten relationships. One threatens the healthy relationship
with yourself. Both threaten healthy relationships with others.
Anger is an indication of the perception of a boundary being crossed.
Someone does something that you do not want done. It is also an indication
of fear, frustration or pain. Taking the time to articulate the reason
for your anger is a great first step. Instead of screaming, "I'm
angry", take this important, gigantic step forward. Say "I feel
angry when ___________ happens. I feel angry because it scares (frustrates
or hurts) me." Providing an insight into why you are experiencing
the arousal of anger opens communication channels. Providing noise, movement,
foul language and sabre-rattling only causes others to want to fight,
run or freeze.
What are your current choices when you feel angry?
Think about your last week. When were you angry? Why were you angry?
At whom were you angry? Did you express it? How did you express it? Did
it move your relationship forward or push folks away from you? Did you
turn it inward on yourself? This can produce many physical symptoms that
are unpleasant.
If anger is an issue for you, resolve to learn to manage it productively
for all concerned.
Dr. Shaler is an expert in the people skills that allow you to function
confidently and competently in any situation. You can learn to handle
confrontation and conflict with grace, diplomacy and panache!
The ability to handle - and more importantly, productively manage -
conflict and difficult people is an important leadership skill that will
open doors to new promotions, positions and responsibilities. Excellent
people skills are not an accident in people who are successful. It takes
work, training, practice & conscious effort to be on the ball all the
time - but you can do it.
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