You teach people how to treat you... what are you teaching them?

So often we hear people ask the question, "Why does he/she/they treat me/us so badly?".

The honest answer, in most cases, is "Because you let him, her or they!"

If that seems too simple an answer, think of it this way:

You make a date for lunch with someone new. They arrive twenty minutes late, citing traffic, office hold ups, the weather, their car or their kids. Of course, things do happen to detain even the best intentioned person. You accept the apology and have a lovely lunch. The next time you have lunch with this person, they are thirty minutes late. Aha, there may be a pattern developing. What do you do?

Unless you do not mind this behavior, you then have the opportunity to teach that person how to treat you. Good communication skills come into play. You can say something like:

"One of the things I've found works for me is to be honest with people. I really enjoy your company and would like to continue meeting for lunch. I know things come up at the last minute and sometimes traffic can be horrendous. I'd like us to agree that either of us can leave if the other is more than fifteen minutes late? Would that be all right with you?"

This clearly communicates what you need and want without ascribing blame. It builds relationship when you make clear agreements with people.

Would it be all right with you if an employee came to work consistenly one-half hour late? No, there is an agreement about the starting time, isn't there? The same is true of our own time.

To learn more about how to create and maintain personal boundaries without arousing conflict,
look into Dr. Shaler's teleseminars... Strengthening Your Personal Boundaries.

There are excellent skills, tips, scenarios and suggestions for resetting your personal boundaries in Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work... Dr. Shaler's brand new book.